Gestalt psychotherapy - a valuable therapy when working with grief and loss

As a trained gestalt therapist, let me be the first to acknowledge that I am biased when it comes to promoting the benefits of gestalt therapy for any issue, let alone grief and loss!  

Gestalt therapy is a powerful, yet gentle approach, for working with any key transition in life because it involves so much more than merely talking about emotions – it invites us to experience and integrate them in the present moment. Gestalt therapy does not aim to ‘fix’ anything but instead offers a compassionate space to honour our loss.

Benefits of gestalt therapy when navigating grief, loss and change:

1. Gestalt therapy focuses on meeting you where you are, in the here and now – in a session, we get curious about how the loss lives in your body, heart and your mind in this moment. This allows you to not only gain awareness of your experience but an opportunity for processing intense feelings safely without becoming overwhelmed by them.

2. Gestalt therapy invites you to resolve the unfinished business that can arise from complicated grief – things that were never said, apologies that were never offered, questions left unasked or unanswered.  Techniques used in Gestalt might invite you to speak to the person/thing you lost and express the words and emotions that need to be said to gain a sense of closure, peace and even forgiveness.  Alternatively, you may experience polarising feelings (very common with grief) so you may benefit from the two parts being ‘in dialogue’ to help you better understand the internal conflict you are experiencing, what each part of you needs and strategies to resolve that inner battle.

3. A Holistic approach – Gestalt therapy recognises that grief is a whole-body experience. Grief may exist as a tightness in the chest, a heaviness in the pit of your stomach, a physical ache in your chest, extreme fatigue or numbness. By developing body awareness, you can better understand how your physical sensations are indicators of emotion. Rather than just talking about your feelings, body work offers a much deeper level of processing your responses, helping you release emotions that may be keeping you ‘stuck’ and exacerbating your suffering.

4. The paradoxical theory of change (as named by Arnold Beisser) - Gestalt therapy is based on the premise that “change occurs when one becomes what s/he is, not when s/he tries to become what s/he is not”. In the context of loss this means accepting the depth of your pain and grief as it is now, without pressure to heal quickly or put on a brave face. When we accept where we are fully, change happens naturally. By giving ourselves permission to do our grief work, understanding that it will be uncomfortable, painful or distressing, something gradually shifts. Instead of trying to avoid it, we allow ourselves to JUST BE IN IT. It is this important step that heralds the beginning of healing, allowing us to integrate and accept loss rather than denying it or trying to change it.

5. Gestalt therapy acknowledges the identity shift and transformation that accompanies loss. FACT: every loss changes who we are. It shapes us, educates us, and gives us an opportunity to understand ourselves in new ways. Grief can be a valuable teacher (unwanted at the time perhaps, but valuable nevertheless and I have touched on this in other blogs) For example, a partner now becomes single or a parent becomes childless. Gestalt therapy helps work through the grief associated with the loss of a relationship, allowing you to form a new sense of identity in the aftermath of change, while still honouring all the gifts of your lost relationship.  

6. Gestalt therapy is flexible and allows for creative expressive - sometimes clients struggle to articulate their feelings for a myriad of reasons. Creative methods such as art, clay work or movement can be used to effectively explore the impact of a loss. Just as everyone is different, so too is their response to grief and how they want to explore it. Having used creative methods with young people, people with a disability and people with language barriers, I can vouch for the power of this medium.  In many ways, art has the potential to go directly to the heart of the matter, bringing people into contact with what is meaningful for them and giving incredible depth to their grief work.  

Ground Zero Counselling customises therapy to an individual's needs and preferences. Modalities include Gestalt, Emotion Focused Therapy, Internal Family Systems, Couples and Family Therapy, Interactive Drawing Therapy, and CBT. Irrespective of the therapy used, we provide a safe, non-judgemental space for people to sit in the pain of their loss, feel supported and have their experience normalised and validated. As Parker J Palmer said so well, “When grieving, the human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed – to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is”.